Here I sit, finally putting proverbial ink to paper. How does one start a blog? I suppose it would help if I read other blogs(?) which I rarely if ever do.
I suppose like most, this place is mostly one for me to think aloud and get some input from my output, whatever that ends up looking like. There are certainly things I would like to say that I feel I can't; which is why I will feebly and half-heartedly attempt to remain anonymous in the age of the internet.
...
...and then... the wait for creative inspiration... if that exists.
sometimes i feel like creative inspiration is a god that some can and do speak with and others are left in the dark, wondering if it exists. certainly, i don't feel as if i have ever communed with it.
too often, as i drift to sleep i think about all the things i'd like to write for strangers to read. is that where the creative find themselves most productive? as they nightly set sail to meet the sandman? how terrible/wonderful that would be, as it must be conflicting to decide between sleep and revelation. thankfully, my laziness(?) witholds the choice from me... though i suppose being the father of a young child would incline the body and mind towards sleep before most other things.
frequently i think how much easier it would be to have a text-to-speech program for writing. maybe that would take away from the time in between crafting sentences where one can reflect on what they've written, how it sounds to the reader.
i think i will not know how to end an entry. i guess i'll write until i can't write any more, save, start again.
the idea of writing around a specific topic will be a struggle for me as well... at least at first. i've always been a person to enjoy beautiful, elegant, simple truth in very small amounts of words. i don't deny that explaining oneself in essays is a definite gift, and sometimes required in an effort to change another's stance or opinion. i'm the guy that just keeps repeating himself like a blubbering idiot, trying to convince someone of my argument with a single poignant sentence over and over, apparently expecting them to understand something of deeper significance each time.
a friend once gave me an epiphany of sorts or at least i hold him responsible as the catalyst for it... epiphany being a bit of a weird word to come around to at this point, as it is the title of the blog, though i just randomly picked the word... and they may be completely unaware of the impact, not of what they said to me once, but how they chose their words. i was upset because someone was picked for a certain responsibility over me at summer camp we worked at for the summer. i was to be a worship leader for the band for the summer, and had spoken with the guy in charge about it before the summer began. in the first few weeks of staff orientation, another guy, who i knew, was given the position, and i was to take a different position in the band. this riled me up a bit, even though, admittedly, he was more experienced in that kind of role than i was... and in hindsight probably did a better job than i would have.
when i went to seek council from my friend (read: went to my friend for reassurances that the wrong choice was made, and that i should have gotten the leadership role) he told me:
'i like your singing voice more than his'
of course i understood this to mean that he agreed with me, that i should have gotten the position, that i was rightfully upset to have been overlooked.
isn't it funny how sometimes you hear what you want to hear.
it's unclear to me even still whether my friend understood why the decision was made or if he didn't want to get involved or what.
what i do know is that his response was perfect for me.
an outright compliment to make me feel better, and outright avoidance of a hard truth i didn't want to face.
i guess there could be a completely separate conversation starting about here about white lies, or at least the value of omitting parts of the truth to avoid hurting people's feelings, but the epiphany i had is that i benefited a lot more from what my friend didn't say than what he did say or could have said... but that it took me awhile to hear what he kindly didn't say...
...and that it was something i had to conclude on my own time, because having someone tell me would not have changed my mind. very rarely i think, do others change our minds for us. very few are gifted with the ability to 'incept' if you will. to change the minds of people we care about, i think it benefits everyone to kindly lay out the facts, maybe-omit-but-maybe-imply the hard truths in some cases, and wait for the epiphany to cue.
...
so concludes my first attempt at making a roundabout explanation for a very simple and poignant truth. I don't think I actually intended on ending up writing about this, but perhaps the winding path will be my method of communication, my creative inspiration from lack of creative inspiration. I would love to leave you with the simple text that convinced me of this, and will strive to perhaps leave you with a quote whenever I can.
From a master of american literature, John Steinbeck in East of Eden, Samuel Hamilton says:
"An unbelieved truth can hurt a man much more than a lie. It takes great courage to back truth unacceptable to our times."
-TheWanderingFound
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